i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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