fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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