The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
