hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
In America we eat man semen.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
