I smell stomach acid.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
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You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
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I just blew my weed a kiss
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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