whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
