I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
