You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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