Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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