So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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