i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
