Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
