There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
