..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
