Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
