we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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