I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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