porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
