So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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