he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
