i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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