Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
