I can't breathe out the right side of my face
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
