other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
