so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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