i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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