I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
