let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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