Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
