Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
