dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
