I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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