I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
