wat bout pragnant strippers??
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
