i need an iv and a liver transplant
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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