Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Randomize
