im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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