I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
