Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Randomize
