dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
