i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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