An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
