google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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