I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
