anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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