Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
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