you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
is this the sara with the beer cane?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
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Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
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you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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