did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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