Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
