She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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