Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
