I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
