i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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