i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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