she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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