I'm lost and stupid without you.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
My vagina is officially offended.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
