The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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