I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
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