Non-Jews are for practice
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
