Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
