My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I have already put on my inside pants.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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