No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
sarcasm needs its own font
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
