Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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