I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
