I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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