I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
