Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.