I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.