11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
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