im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
